But first, a public service announcement:
In the last 7 days, thanks to the generosity of parents, grandparents, Lutheran Service Corps board members, boyfriends, and Jackie wanting to make something with pumpkin for our dinner party last night, we have had the option of consuming, in this house, the following items:
Candied apples, Mexican sweet breads, popcorn/M+M mix, pumpkin-carrot-cheese bars, gourmet cheese and crackers, beverages (we'll leave it at that), cinnamon rolls, pumpkin whoopie pies, and cupcakes.
So, to anyone who was worried about us not being able to survive solely on our stipends...I leave you with that.
We now return to our irregularly scheduled blog post.
A few nights ago, I was sitting in a room with two other white people, and one of them made a joke about black people. I think I laughed, or at least made some kind of snicker or sarcastic utterance. I don't even remember what the joke was, exactly...I can probably safely say the joke was disparaging towards black people.
The person who made the joke or comment or whatever has been through anti-racism training, and I know that this person thinks a LOT about anti-racism in the person's daily life, and is committed to social justice.
Is it ever okay to make that joke? Can you lay off the PC-ness for once, you Oberlin graduate hippie, you may want to ask me? (Did I just perpetuate a stereotype about my college?) I think I have been in situations with my black friends who have told, or seemed okay when hearing, jokes related to race. Do you need to relax, Anna? I know you're working on the self-care, but really...you just had a nice weekend...it's Halloween...maybe you need to chill out. Everybody needs to let steam out.
Well, voice in my head...to some extent, I agree with you. But I do want to share the other feelings too.
This upcoming weekend, LVCers all over the country are going on retreat and doing more anti-racism training, like we did at orientation. I was working on an assignment tonight (yeah, some in my house are calling retreat "fall training" since it's kind of stressful having homework again) for which we are asked to fill out a matrix with examples of racism in our placements. I really want to show you exactly what it looks like, but I'm not sure Crossroads, the organization that LVC collaborates with for anti-racism training, would appreciate me posting the exact words of the assignment in public for all to see.
But I can paraphrase, I guess. I am learning that it is so important to constantly remember and recognize every day the overarching invisible spiderweb of white privilege, also referred to as the enormous elephant in the room that everybody sees, hears, feels, and maybe even smells, but doesn't talk about. And I don't think we can talk about it all day every day, as important as I feel it is, because it is SO exhausting.
One of the main points I got from anti-racism training and am reminded of from this exercise is that racism is ultimately going to screw everyone over if we don't recognize it, talk about it, and do something about it. (I remind myself at this point that talking about it is definitely included in "doing something about it"...I maintain that talking about it is not the end of it.) The part of the assignment that I am currently struggling over is remembering what we must have talked about at orientation - how exactly it is going to do that.
I can talk a lot about people who must have hearts that are hurting or hungering for more interaction with people different from them. But I get frustrated when I realize that, theoretically, people could leave their churches and go back to their houses in the suburbs, and I can even come home tonight to my house in what people tell me is a "bad part of town", and sit here with my computer, and lead my comfy life, and not push myself/themselves into thinking about the root causes of how I/we got where I/we are today. And you know what? It is important to do that sometimes, because self-care is important, as I am trying to remind myself every day.
But I just have this feeling that life will feel better if I let my guard down a little and speak honestly with people who are different from me about my life. And, as my previous blog post emphasized, listen with an open, attentive soul to those people in return.
And here I could go off on a tangent about how this isn't just about race, how in the past two months I've benefited deeply from spending lots of work time with people who are substantially older than me, for the first time. I knew I loved working with kids, but I didn't know that working with "real grown-ups" could be so much fun, too.
So, there's my thoughts on anti-racism for now. Though, at times, I am quick to profess my desire for action over words, based on my work over the past two months, I believe that I have learned, and would most strongly encourage everyone to recognize, the importance of talking and listening about difference. I don't think it's just about political correctness - I think it's about fundamentally transforming how to shape a society where everyone really does feel comfortable, safe, respected, and like they have an opportunity to do something. And this society is not going to magically appear when I wake up in the morning tomorrow...it is going to take Work. And Love. Don't forget the love, because without that, it doesn't make any sense to Work.
I'll save 2) for next time because, but leave the title that I started with, because it might give you an idea of another idea that I've been turning around in my head for a while now.
Last things:
I have wanted to recommend The Shame of the Nation by Jonathan Kozol, written in 2005, to all my loved ones for quite some time now. You are hereby recommended. It's about the U.S. public school system, and the last chapter features moving words from John Lewis that resounded very deeply within me when I read them.
Also, Mom and anyone else who knows about this documentary, you will be pleased to know that Austin checked out "A Time for Burning" from the public library so we'll watch it soon. (Race issues in churches and other places in Omaha in the 60s.)
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